Last week, I grilled readers on how well they get to know those they work with BEYOND the workplace, for this practice is what often expands opportunities for them IN the workplace.

However, an often-asked question is: "How do I go about finding out what's most important to people without being too personal?"

The first answer would be your attitude about the process. If you think taking the time to find out that your client, John, is a football fan, but getting him tickets to a game is a selfish tactic, that's the wrong attitude to take.

Getting to know what's important to people is important because people are interested in those who are interested in them. See it only as building reciprocal relationships.

The second step to discovering information about people is to build our connections gradually. I wouldn't go up to someone I've just met at a networking function and say:

"Hi, I'm Joe. When's your birthday? You married? What's your kid's favorite toy? What kind of dessert do you eat? How much money do you make?"

Not being diplomatic about finding out others' interests can turn them off in short order. Establishing trust happens incrementally.

The following are simple conversation starters that make it easier to break the ice with someone and get them talking, thereby allowing you to get a leg up in knowing what makes business associates tick.

"Hi I'm Joe, what's your name?"

You'd be surprised at how many people don't initiate conversation. Important: Use the person's name while speaking to them, it personalizes the connection.

"Where are you from originally?" or "Where did you grow up?"

These questions allow you to identify with and learn about others' backgrounds and often serve as common ground in which to relate to them.

"Do anything interesting last weekend?" or "Any fun plans this weekend?"

These allow the person to share what they enjoy on their personal time.

"Anything exciting happening in your life these days?"

From this question you'll learn current activities colleagues and customers are passionate about like buying a new car, having a baby, their son's football game or going on a much-needed vacation.

Notice how each question is open-ended? When both parties are engaged, we now begin to dig deeper into relationship development and plant the seeds for both comfort and trust. The next step is data collecting.

When you make showing an interest in others' interests a habit, you start gathering so much information that it is hard to memorize. Be sure to write it down and have an organized database like a Blackberry or Palm Pilot to take specific notes.

Last night I had dinner in Miami with my client, Ron. On the way to meet him I looked up his name in my Palm and noticed his wife's name is Arlene and his 19-month-old daughter's name is Leah. When I asked about them during our meeting, he smiled and replied, "Man you're good."

No, I've just learned from my mom and dad that there is nothing I could ever offer in business to Ron that is more important than the people and passions most important in his personal life.

Joe Takash speaks to organizations looking to improve morale, customer relationships and leadership. He also serves as director of corporate relations for Robert Morris College. E-mail him at .